Tag Archives: Motherhood

Whom are you really ashamed for?

There she is. On the edge of the pool. Her hands stretched before her with the palms against each other. Bending forward and her head almost totally between her upper arms. Ready to take her first dive. You can tell she nervous. Her knees are trembling a bit and she keeps standing there. The other children wait patiently. Some shivering from the cold water, because they have already encountered the dive, others shivering because it is almost their turn. The teacher is standing behind her and speaks softly and encouragingly."Go ahead, just breathe quietly and then jump."

And you? You just feel very annoyed. "Come on kid, DIVE! " you think with complete annoyance "Don't be stupid standing just there." With every second that passes, your annoyance is getting bigger and bigger. If you cursory look around you at the other parents, you see some of them being bored, others taking a look at their smartphone, some roll their eyes in impatience and others just watch with a compassionate look. But compassion is the least you feel. Your annoyance grew to rebuke wickedness.

"How hard can that be?" you now scream in your thoughts. "There 's always something with that child. Man! She's almost seven! Can't she just be not so difficult once in a while!" You look around you again to see if others have heard what you were thinking. But no one is paying attention to you. The eyes are focused on the pool with the kids in diving position or …elsewhere.

"SPLASH !" it suddenly sounds. And if you look in front of you, you see that your daughter has disappeared under water. You've missed her first dive, but you feel relieved and you can smile again. A woman on your left leans towards you and says, "Good for her! It took my son four weeks to dare that." You're a little off guard and before you can respond your daughter is standing in front of you… soaked wet.

"Mom, did you see that? I dared to do it! I did it!" And off she goes to rejoin the queue. The woman on your left smiles broadly, totally melted by the reaction of your daughter. The man on your right comments "Good for her!" And you? You're still off guard, because the anger made way for relief … and confusion.

"Why am I confused? Relief is good, right?" you think. And then you realize that you are not relieved, because your daughter has finally dared to dive. No, you're relieved, because you don't have to be ashamed of your child anymore.

So, it was not about her, but all about you! With that insight, you look at the queue with kids and you suddenly see yourself standing in that line. Shivering and trembling. Totally terrified to jump in that water. But when you look at your mother for moral support, you can tell she's angry and you already know what she's going to say when you come home after class:

"Why do you always have to make a scene?! You embarrass me! I'm embarrassed for you! What will other people think of me!" And you feel the pain and loneliness of your childhood again. Your fear not being understood, no one considering how you feel. Not a pleasant memory, but still good to realise how it was for yóu. "Look, there she goes again." your left neighbor says, thereby extracting you from your thoughts. You sit up straight and now look with a different view how your daughter is shaking and trembling again on the edge of the pool, letting time pass by again..delaying all the other kids endlessly again ..making the teacher encouraging her again… causing eyes rolling again … to finally take the plunge again.

And you? You realize that you still have some work to do to not be ashamed anymore of your daughter … and … of yourself.

Does this appeal to you? Tell me why in the comments section below, if you like.

"Ofcourse I am in love with my new born baby...don't be ridiculous!"

No matter how modern we are, there are still a number of taboos about parenting. Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman wrote down heir experiences and talk about them in this video.

The 4 things you can't say about parenting.

  1. You can't say "I didn't fall in love with my baby in the first minute."
  2. You can't say "I feel lonely, now I have a baby"
  3. You can't talk about your miscarriage
  4. You can't say "My average happiness has declined since having a child."

Pas op! Anders val je!

Do you say that often to your child? Or have you often heard that as a child? I remember when my oldest nephew was three years old, he started to complete this sentence. I started saying "Beware " and he said on a very bored tone 'otherwise you fall". I always had to laugh loud when I heard him say that.
Meanwhile this little boy became a man, graduating his second college degree. He doesn't know, but he has taught me something back then. Something my own 3 year old now benefits from. She is hardly told to beware, while she frequently sits on top of the jungle gym, hangs upside down the swing, slides backwards from the slide. And then I don't even mention the tools with which she plays regularly.

How do you as a mother talk with your daughter about sex ?

Julia Sweeney shares with us a way to pass on the miracle of procreation to our offspring. She only forgot one particular thing….

Does your heart need a boost? So you can hear it better?